The Hammer of Destiny

Saving The Town of Homopolis

He grunted. He strained. He believed.

For he knew that if he slipped, if he faltered, the town of Homopolis would be reduced to a pink and paisley pulp of pulverized flesh and shattered dreams.

Royal Tru-Orange – Ilabas Ang Kulit (The 2009 Edition)

The last TV commercial I ever did at McCann for Royal Tru-Orange – and I didn’t even get to finish it all the way. Boo.

(Also, the food at the shoot sucked balls, but the fish fillet and marinara pasta at the offline Client Interlock rocked my socks.)

Some production notes:

(1) The name of the sari-sari store at the beginning – “Ron-Ron’s Store” – is a subtle little inside joke by the Agency in inserting the name of a charming little character who we loved from other previous boards, but whose story we just couldn’t tie up neatly. It’s our tongue-in-cheek anticipation of Client possibly requesting us to *sigh* “marry the boards.” Thank God they liked this board enough not to ask for that

(2) Agency initially wanted Christophe, the tall, goofy-looking dude to play the lead. He exudes so much natural physical humor. The eventual lead wasn’t even part of the original casting shortlist – Daniel, our intended lead, came down with a sudden high fever on the morning of the shoot, and everyone had to scramble to find a suitable replacement in a couple hours’ time.

(3) Everything was shot on location in Paranaque, and Tina Baron’s house makes a tiny tiny little cameo in the end sequence – the cat-eyes on the road where you see the barkada biking off are unique to their house alone.

(4) Christian, the lead, is a very crude biker in real life. Which kind of makes his punchline all the more appropriate.

(5) We all believe that Angelica, the female barkada member, will grow up to be the spitting image of Judy Ann Santos in 5 years time.

(6) Original ending had them biking off after a truck with the Royal Tru-Grape design plastered on it – but Direk Jolly Feliciano wanted to use the sequence to show an elevation of kulit in the barkada, hence the mischief that happens at the end.

(7) The music that plays throughout was inspired by a Sony Ericsson ringtone that we plucked out of thin air for the pre-testing material at 1 in the morning.

(8) “No bike” took 27 takes to get right. It’s harder than it looks! Direk himself operated the camera for this sequence.

(9) We were terrified by the weather forecast, since this was a location shoot that needed lots of long and wide shots – Yahoo and AccuWeather both predicted thunderstorms for the two days. Thankfully the sun held out until AFTER we wrapped!

(10) This particular storyboard was 99% approved in just ONE PASS.

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CREDITS:
Director: Jolly Feliciano
Producer: Cris Dy-Liacco, Alec Humphries
Creatives: Dadi Santos, Bong Legaspi, Paolo Gardon, Jon Galvez, Gabby Alcazaren
Accounts: Berns Chincuanco, Cha Golpeo, Mark De Joya, Celine Lopez, Lianne Salcedo
Strategic Planning: Gen Cruz, Ez Abero
Casting: Owen Mariano

Splash

Self-Portrait

MDJ Superstar Loses the Basketball Battle, But Wins The Manhood War

Confeermed three things after this thorough ass-whipping by the lovely and talented Celine Lopez, who was wearing a Diane Von Furstenberg original dress and Steve Madden stilettos as she beat me three straight times at Timezone basketball:

1. MDJ cannot play ball to save his life, and is therefore that much less of a man.
2. Celine on the other hand is an excellent player who is a certified expert in shooting grubby orange balls into little holes.
3. MDJ is a true gentleman, who always allows the ladies to beat him at manly sports so they can feel better about themselves.

However, as Sunny Dumayas so sagely said, losing to girls doesn’t count, ergo, Celine’s alleged 3-0 record against me is pure fiction, and we remain dead even at 0-all.

I remain, therefore, The Superstar.

Just for the record.

Love Is Unrequited (Like A Bowl of Mashed Potatoes)

I wrote the girlfriend a nice, romantic poem last night.

She didn’t like it.

Sometimes, I really don’t understand women.

How could they not want to get into my baby blue YC bikini brip with thoughtful, sweet gestures like this?

Hay.

*****

Tonight, Love Rises
(Like A Bowl of Mashed Potatoes)

by Mark De Joya

Your eyes to me are like the stars,
They twinkle in the sky.
Your smile is like the twilight wind,
It makes me want to fly.
Your pwet is like the moon tonight,
It’s round and full of craters.
My love for you is strong, it’s true,
Can I have some mashed taters?

Manny May Have Won The Battle, But Hatton Won The War

Fight fanatics will always remember this one iconic image from the Battle of East vs. West – Ricky Hatton, the brutal British brawler sprawled ingloriously on his back, his brain spinning from the crunching left hook of Manny Pacquiao, who, in less than six minutes of ring time, revealed the bully for the spongecake he really was.

They say that a picture speaks a thousand words. To that, I disagree.

This picture says but one thing – that Manny Pacquiao won the battle.

But the real truth, a truth that people dare not speak of yet in the midst of such national euphoria, is this: Ricky Hatton won the war.

Here is an indisputable, irrefutable dissection of four key elements that cement this daring statement, and the stark reality that despite being counted out by Kenny Bayless, Ricky Hatton did in fact emerge the better man today.

1. National Anthem Performer. As much as “Lupang Hinirang” rocks my socks, there are two things you do not do to it: (a) reinvent it as an Aqua-ish bubblegum techno fluff piece, and (b) ask a t-shirt and blazer-wearing Martin Nievera to make it birit it for you. There are things that demand gravitas, solemnity, dignity, and grace, and the national anthem is certainly on the top of this list. Martin Nievera was just pure fail. When you bring out Tom Jones, on the other hand – a man who personifies gravitas and solemnity, you automatically win. Who wasn’t on the edge of their seat, waiting for him to bust out It’s Not Unusual or What’s New Pussycat? I’m sorry, but when Tom Jones is involved, there is no fail possible. Edge: Ricky Hatton
2. Fan awesomeness. There are no fans like British fans – they’re vocal, they’re creative, they’re rowdy, and single-handedly consume enough beer in one night to knock the entire global population of elephants unconscious were they to drink the same amount. The way they sang along to Ricky Hatton’s awesome-beyond-awesome marching song, bleated out the lyrics to Manchester City’s “Blue Moon” theme, and started all sorts of ingenious chants to amuse themselves during the incredibly dull undercard was beyond compare. Manny’s fans could muster up one thing, and one thing only – “Manny! Manny! Manny!” Which is not to say this particular chant was neither stirring nor awe-inspiring. It just wasn’t particularly clever. Again, the Hitman trumps the Pacman. Edge: Ricky Hatton
3. Theme Song. And on that note, how awesome was it that Ricky Hatton had his own marching song, with a totally thumping drum beat and an easy-to-pick-up chorus behind it? Manny Pacquiao came out to his own Lito Camo-penned theme song, which was only slightly less gay than coming out to an a capella medley remix of “Paper Roses” and Ogie Alcasid’s “Nandito Ako” performed by the Philharmonic Orchestra. Edge: Ricky Hatton
4. Porn star potential. Take a look at the chiseled, rugged good looks of the blond-haired, square-jawed, blue-eyed Ricky Hatton. Then take a look at Manny Pacquiao. Repeat. Ricky Hatton. Manny Pacquiao. Ricky Hatton. Manny Pacquiao. Who would you rather see nailing both Miley Cyrus and Haley Duff in a drunken toilet stall gang-bang? Case closed. Edge: Ricky Hatton

Manny, you are a national hero, and I confess that your stellar performance today blew me away. But all you won was one boxing match. Ricky Hatton won the war.

You know?

Fisting With The Spectacular Spider-Man

Part of the job description of being a superhero involves mixing it up with punches and kicks and uppercuts and what-not, but nobody ever warned our friendly neighborhood Spiderman that this is what they meant by “fisting”…

He’s So Super: Two Minutes With The Best Magician In The World

It’s very rare for MDJ Superstar to step back, swallow his pride, and say about someone, “This man is truly a Superstar on par with myself.” 

I hereby award full-fledged official Superstar status on this man, Daniel Chesterfield, for blowing my mind, dropping my jaw, and stunning me with his daring acts of almost-supernatural magical feats. 

 

He truly is The Best Magician In The World.